It’s Igor, we met last Tuesday.
I’m writing this e-mail to inform you that I did what you suggested during our conversation on Tuesday. And, I really do feel better. I called Jessica in front of my wife and spoke to her. I apologized for everything that happened and said that I would be very happy if she fought to overcome this situation, just like I am doing. She said that she was seeking her salvation and was attending Church regularly. She also apologized and, thank God, I feel much better.
I never thought I would go through all this. I’ve always been of the Altar, never had many friends – especially if the person demonstrated a sinful behavior –, I was never much of a flirt, not even when I was in the world, and in Church, I didn’t tend to counsel women. Since I never thought I would fall because of a woman, I underestimated the devil and the one time I did counsel a woman, I fell into his trap.
I always tried to be dedicated to the things of God, and do not understand why I let the devil take me down like this. I suffered a lot with all this. I suffered because of the accusation in my conscious, I suffered the prosecution and rejection of many who I thought were my friends – and I know I deserved it – I suffered, above all, because I knew that I hurt my Lord, who always took care of me, and I suffered because I disappointed people who loved me and believed that I was a man of God.
Not a day went by that I didn’t cry, an enormous pain pierced my soul. It was like you preached the other day: we are left with a void inside our hearts and it seems like nothing can fill it. So I decided, along with my wife, to do something unexpected on the Altar, during the Israel Challenge. We did and I asked God to repair this tragedy and for Him not to abandon me, and for Him to give me the opportunity to serve Him again in the future.
I took advantage of these moments of sorrow and anguish to humble myself before God, to seek Him with all of my strength, like I had never done before.
What I suffered during the last three months, I hadn’t suffered even when I didn’t know Jesus, but it never crossed my mind to abandon the faith or go to another church – although the devil’s invitations always seam to appear –, but my heart is on the Altar of the Universal Church.
My life is beginning to get back in order, we have started working and organizing our lives, but there is still a void, the emptiness of the Altar. I am happy to have regained the trust of my God and my Salvation, but I feel a pain, the pain of losing one of the things I loved the most, which was the privilege of preaching the Gospel. I don’t wish this pain on anyone, but it would be good if many pastors went through what I’m going through so they could learn to value the Work of God, because I am learning to appreciate the little things. I will never let the devil do this to me again, because now I know that I can’t close my eyes not even for a second.
I’ve matured a lot, and it may even seem like three months is a short time, but I tell you that out here one day seems like a year. To this day, I still haven’t been able to enjoy the “freedom” we have out here. When I was pastor, I would see pastors radiating with happiness whenever they were given three days off, I used to get happy as well, but now that I’m out here and have all the time in the world to do whatever I want, I can’t because it just seems senseless. I would give up all this freedom to become a slave of Jesus again.
When I left the Work of God, I decided I was going to face anything to have my Salvation back and, in the future, have an opportunity to do the Work of God again, and I am in this faith, bishop. We are part of the evangelization group and participating in the classes for former pastors. And I am placing my life at God’s disposal, because I realized on Sunday that we always have to be at the feet of the great I AM, and today I recognize that I need Him to do this Work. And I believe this will happen!
I want to thank you for showing me such consideration and reading this email, even though I do not deserve it.
I’m sending it for the sole purpose of clarifying what happened to me, because I know this Work belongs to the Holy Spirit, and if man did not abandon me, then surely, neither has He!
I must confess that I was surprised and very happy with the way you counseled us last Tuesday, because I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. Once again you proved to me that you have the Spirit of God.
Thank you, Bishop!