It seemed impossible to change

My name is Fabricio. When I was 9 years old, a group of about 15 people attempted to abuse me. For this reason, my childhood was quite troubled. I grew up thinking that liking boys and hating girls was normal. Besides all of this, there was lots of suffering at home, because my parents decided to separate. Also, when I was about 9, my father began a relationship with another woman, but she would hit me, which caused me to have nightmares about the things she did to me and the way she treated me. From then on, I began to see the world differently, I had no peace, love or joy like others said they did; I lived the exact opposite of all that. As I grew, so did my suffering.

At the age of 14, I made some new friends, which I saw as an opportunity to find ‘happiness’. Everything was kept hidden from my family, but people at school knew, so they made fun of me; they despised and mistreated me because of the way I acted. I never reacted, just kept all their words inside.

More and more, I delve into drinking and parties; I’d go several days without coming home. All my friends thought I was the happiest person alive, but when I was alone at home, there was an enormous void within, I wanted to kill myself, I suffered with insomnia and carried the burden of all that suffering. Though I was going out and doing all these things, it was no longer enough to keep me satisfied; I wanted attention – the attention my family didn’t give me. Then, around the age of 16, my friends introduced me to a new way of life: I became a transvestite. I dressed as a woman and was able to get what I wanted – the attention I so desired. I began receiving phone calls asking me to participate in beauty pageants because I was beautiful, so I dove into these proposals.

However, there came a time when all of the attention from the beauty pageants stopped being enough; I wanted more. I got involved with prostitution and started working the streets at night. All the money I made was invested into that persona. I no longer did anything for Fabricio. Everything I bought and all the money I made went to making “her” better. But, even though I had seemingly achieved everything I wanted, I wasn’t satisfied. I started to talk to evil spirits. I did not see them, but spoke to them and asked them for more men, more customers and more money. Someone said that if I truly wanted more, then I should make a pact with them, but I was afraid so I didn’t.

That lifestyle was draining, so I decided to isolate myself. I didn’t want to do anything, just lie down and that’s it. I didn’t feel like answering any phone calls, I suddenly felt a great hatred towards people and got angry for no apparent reason.

I remembered someone inviting me to a Youth Group meeting at the Universal Church. I had turned down her invitation, because I didn’t think there could be a solution to my problems. I thought, “I was born this way, so I’m going to die this way”. But she insisted, saying that God could change my life and that everything would be different. So now that I found myself in this situation, I remembered her words and decided to go to the Church.

During the meeting, the pastor said: “Your going to remember this meeting because it’s going to make a difference in your life”. Those words were carved into my mind. The youths and assistants gave me a different kind of attention that day. I received attention, but the way they treated me was different, it made me feel good again. This was when I realized there was a solution for me. There was always someone following up with me as I fought to be delivered from the addictions, desires and all my past. I had my encounter with God, but I didn’t think that I could receive the Holy Spirit because of my past. However, God showed me that everything had already been erased.

So, I was determined to seek the Holy Spirit, and God showed me a kind of love that I had never received in my life. God showed me how important I was to Him and that He had chosen me from the very beginning. Then, everything changed and became different. From that day on, I regained the respect of my family and neighbors. Everyone began to notice my change. Today, I am happy, I have peace, my family has been transformed and some of my old friends have even called me to ask how I was able to change.

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