A long time ago, something happened which caused our leader to get very upset with Julio. I don’t remember what the actual matter was about, but I remember there being a problem.
At that time, we were living in the same house as my parents and the leader of the country. I noticed that, at times, our leader would completely stop speaking to us. He would be very quiet. He was pretty upset.
This began bothering me because I didn’t know what was going on or what we did so terribly wrong for him to ignore us like that.
But, who was I to question anything?
I was just a pastor’s wife, a servant of God. And knowing that we are servants, we have no right to question anything, only to obey.
Julio had advised me not to talk to anyone about it, but this really began bothering me. To live in the same house and not say a word to one another was making me anguished. My soul was troubled. I did not know what to do.
And every morning, when I woke up, my mother would look at me with that beautiful smile and say, “Good morning, my daughter”. And gave me kisses and hugs.
At that moment, pain shot through my soul and I thought, “Oh, she loves me so much. I wish I could count on my mother during these troubling times, but I can’t.”
My eyes filled with tears, and when my mother looked into my eyes she saw it right away. She knew there was something wrong and asked, “What happened, my daughter?” I said, “Oh, mom, please don’t ask me that question because I can’t answer you.” And she said, “Speak, my daughter.” I said, “Julio doesn’t want me to say anything.” So my father walked in and said, “What happened? Come here and tell me what happened. I am ordering you to speak, so go ahead!”
So with tears pouring out of my eyes, I told him about our situation with our leader. He listened and gave me advice.
On Sunday evening, Julio got a call to come to the headquarters, because the bishop wanted to speak to us. Julio looked at me and asked, “Did you say something?” I replied, “Yes, they asked me and I said everything”.
Actually, I felt relieved. What I held most sacred in my life wasn’t having to face this problem in front of everyone, but to defend my soul, which was in anguish. If I hadn’t spoken, that problem would have remained inside me and it wouldn’t have solved anything.
Still, my heart was beating fast, thinking about what might happen, but I went. Julio stood on one side, obviously feeling upset, and there I was, on the other side, feeling apprehensive.
We went to the headquarters, sat down and explained the entire problem to the bishop in charge and my parents. We talked about it and everything was resolved. That problem truly died.
From that moment on, I understood that I have to solve my problems. I can’t keep anything inside that causes me to be confused, because confusion creates fear, doubt and insecurity.
I learned that I have to bring to light the problems I cannot solve on my own so that they can be resolved. Even if this means that I have to learn how to fix them, or be disciplined for my actions.
One thing is certain: my heart cannot remain heavy, no matter what the problem may be, because it cannot save me. On the contrary, it makes me have bad eyes, evil thoughts and feeds the ideas the devil puts in my head.
My Salvation is the most sacred thing I have. Regardless of my position (pastor’s wife or bishop’s wife). I have to preserve my Salvation at all costs, because it is what keeps me at peace, with a clear conscience and give me strength for battle.
But when it is tainted, I become weak. I begin to have doubts, fears, insecurities and the devil happily uses this opportunity to further humiliate me.
It is better to be humble and face the problem, than run away or be proud and hide, and continue to live with the torment inside yourself.