Good morning my dear Mrs. Vivi!
Yesterday, when you asked that first question during the meeting, the answer immediately popped into my mind: MY PAIN HAS BEEN MY INJUSTICE TO GOD, MY UNGRATEFULNESS, MY SIN, MY STUBBORNESS, MY SELFISHNESS… And if I continue to write, I don’t think it will all fit here because the list is long.
This is what I have experienced lately. I knew it, I had a lot of reservations, and my conscience weighed heavy because I knew I was not pleasing God by being this way.
This was when I came to my knees before God and begged for His forgiveness. I said, “My God, this is me, but I no longer want to be this way! Forgive me, and help me!” I felt like GARBAGE. I came to the conclusion that I WAS everything I mentioned above. My God, I was so ashamed! I felt pain in my soul when I saw how petty I had been acting, how selfish I was and how much this displeased my God, WHO gave His ALL for me, even though I am a sinner.
God showed me that I gave, but always wanted something in return. For example, I waited for someone to call me, and then I’d return their call; I waited for a friend to text me, and then I would text them back; I waited for the pastors’ wives to approach me, but I would never approach them first… this was me being selfish, and proud.
God clearly said to me: “Imagine if I was to wait for you to love Me first and then give My Son in your favor!” I cried as I stood face-to-face with my sin and my mistakes. I asked for forgiveness and I despised my emotions, my behavior, my ways, everything I thought was right, everything I did.
I don’t know if you remember speaking to me once and I tried to justify why I acted the way I did, so distant and standoffish. You said to me, “You never call me…”, and I said that, even though I loved you, this was just the I was…
Like I said, it was MY WAY. But this is not the WAY God WANTS ME TO BE. And God showed me that what I thought was right, wasn’t right at all.
I remember that I had negative thoughts and judged people incorrectly when they’d try to approach me. Just because I was like that, I thought, believed, others often acted like complete brownnosers. Excuse the expression, but that WAS how the old Ana thought.
You know, Mrs. Vivi, there are tears running down my cheeks as I think back to all the mistakes I made. It took a long time to figure all this out, but at the same time I am VERY HAPPY, because now there is nothing accusing me, or holding me back. I have no reservations, I feel FREE and CLEAN.
Kisses with love,
Perhaps you find yourself in a similar situation and are eager to change. Or, perhaps, you have made so many mistakes, and want to urgently repent before God Almighty.
Wednesday, during the Night of Salvation, you will have the opportunity to transform your life, your thoughts and your concepts. No matter the condition you’re in, put aside your selfishness and personal interests and come determined, thirsty for change!