It seemed impossible to change…

Since my early childhood years, pain was always present in my life. My mother decided to leave my alcoholic father after years of abuse. She took me and tried to overcome in life on her own. However, the lack of opportunities caused us to live in extreme poverty, while dealing with the family’s resentment.

During one attempt to find happiness in her love life, she met a young man and they decided to move in together. He seemed to be a good person, but after some time, his personality noticeably changed. The malicious look in his eyes scared me, and though I tried to get away, he ended up raping me. This tore me up inside. I became disgusted with men. Disgusted with life. I, a seven year old girl, saw my innocence being torn away from me, and to my disappointment, when my mother found out, she chose to blame and reject me.

I was constantly beaten and humiliated, until one day she finally threw me out of the house.

With nowhere to go, I ended up living on the street. Though I tried to turn my life around, it was difficult because nobody wanted to employ a teenager, with no permanent address or family.

I did not want that life for myself, but the more I strived to move forward, the harder things became. I reached such a low, critical pit that I no longer believed in anything. Hatred grew inside of me.

Grief, anguish and a lot of pain were a part of my life. I felt very hurt by everything, including God, because I thought He was being unfair with me, allowing me to live in that situation. The truth is that I stopped believing in Him.

I hated God and couldn’t stand listening to anyone speak about Him near me. After giving up on myself, I surrendered to that lifestyle. Everything the streets had to offer was alcohol, drugs and prostitution. I began robbing and hurting people, and sometimes I would have to hide in cemeteries until the morning.

At the age of 19 I got involved with a guy. I became pregnant, but as soon as he found out, he left. There were many complications during the pregnancy and I almost died. Then, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, and experienced several outbreaks. I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital and tried to commit suicide several times. As I was being discharged, I met a guy, started a relationship and got married. We moved to Rio de Janeiro and tried to live in peace, but the outbreaks and psychotic episodes came along with me.

I went from one hellhole to another, was what I thought about day and night, even though my husband was extremely patient with me.

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I regularly took sedatives and antidepressants because of the numerous outbreaks, and it was during one of these outbreaks that I was stopped on the street by an assistant, who after providing all the assistance I needed, spoke to me of a God that exists and could put an end to everything I was going through, if I believed in Him. As I got ready to come back at her with an answer, she smiled and said: “He believes in you!”

This was the first time I had ever heard this from someone. I decided to go and, after a few days, I noticed a change in my life. I was healed and delivered from the need to constantly be medicated, from the depression and past traumas, and finally, I learned how to make myself happy. I started understanding that the One I blamed for my pain was the only One that never left me alone.

Today I am a successful businesswoman, a law student, mother, and above all, know the Lord Jesus. I am happy!

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