It seemed impossible to change…

At the age of 10, I started feeling like I wanted to be a man, so I starting dressing like one. Since I wanted to feel safe and secure, I gradually turned this into a “lifestyle”. I began hanging out with the wrong crowd and the worst drug dealer in the neighborhood where I lived threatened to kill me. Besides this, I was always very angry and would be physically abusive towards my mother. I loved my niece very much, I treated her like a little sister, until she started dating someone without telling us, and when I found out, all the love I had for her turned into hate.

During my bouts of anger, I would drink wine, which represented my niece’s and her boyfriend’s blood. I would hear a voice telling me to kill her while she was asleep. I wouldn’t be able to do anything at the time, but the voice insisted, so I decided to move to another city, this way I wouldn’t do anything I’d regret. I dropped out of college and left, but the hatred grew more and more each day. I cried every night, I wouldn’t eat and I didn’t have peace.

After some time and a lot of suffering, I returned to my hometown and asked my mother for help. She decided to admit me into a mental hospital, so I could receive psychiatric treatment because I was schizophrenic and dangerous. There was a great battle within me because I didn’t want to continue acting that way, but it was as if there was another person in me. I cried a lot because I couldn’t accept to be admitted as if I were out of my mind. During moments where I was lucid, I was a normal young woman, but when the hatred took over, I would transform.

So I told my mother that I wanted to go to the Universal Church. I began to attend meetings and even though I continued to be closed offish, I remained firm. Gradually, with the help of the assistants, I began opening my heart, until I finally woke up and surrendered wholeheartedly. I was completely delivered from the hate, sorrow, desire to kill, sadness, anxieties and addictions. Then, when I had an encounter with God, my life completely changed. The Holy Spirit transformed me inside and out, and today I can say that I am happy. I’m in college, my family and I are at peace, and I am happy to be alive.

Juliana Aires – RS/Pelotas

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